All Jokes Aside
Hi everyone!
As is now (hopefully not) becoming a habit, I missed my scheduled posting time yesterday. I’m working on something for later this week, but in the meantime, could I tell you a joke? If you keep reading, I’ll assume that’s a “yes”.
So, there’s this moth, right? But this is a moth that can speak and lives a life largely indistinguishable from a human’s. One day he goes to his doctor’s office, where he’s met by his doctor, as he works there. The doctor says, “Welcome Mr. Ivanov, it’s nice to see you again. How are you?”
The moth, Mr. Ivanov responds, “I gotta tell you doc, I’m not doing too good, not too good at all. The wife is driving me up the fucking wall, my kids don’t keep in touch, the ice caps are melting, really not doing too good at all.” The doctor opens his mouth to respond, but Mr. Ivanov has been adequately revved up at this point, so he continues, “My son –you remember my son, Vasily?– he’s totally dissatisfied. He was a happy kid, you know? Used to run around with a big smile all the time. He laughed a lot, even when he was hurt. He was a good kid, a happy kid, doc. He did well at school and went to college and he was good there too. He studied business and did internships and he was good at all that also. He got a good job, doc, at a fancy bank, but he hates it. He’s worked his whole life towards this goal and he hates it, doc. He’s totally disillusioned with the modern world, with office life –I mean why the hell does the office define his life, doc?”
The doctor nods his head solemnly and says, “I understand, that’s very difficult Mr. Ivanov. We never really get to know our children, nor they us. But why are y–”
Mr. Ivanov interrupts the doctor, saying, “And the wife, doctor, don’t even get me started on her. She slept with my neighbor, my wife did. Can you believe that, doc? She slept with the neighbor. Not only did she sleep with the neighbor –which she did– but she said I was lucky she didn’t leave me. She said my neighbor –he’s very short, doc. He’s not exactly best in show, if you know what I mean. He’s an ugly man, is what I’m saying doc–, she said my neighbor was a better lay, doc. And she said I was lucky she didn’t leave! I asked her, doc, I asked her, ‘How do you figure? Seems like I’d be happier if you’d left without screwing the neighbor’
The doctor finally has had enough of Mr. Ivanov, the moth, and his incessant verbal spew. The doctor holds up a hand and says, “Mr. Ivanov, it’s clear to me that you live a very troubled life. But I’m a physician, a medical doctor, I deal with ailments of the body, not with the torments of the mind. I can refer you to someone to talk to about your psychoemotional well-being, but for the time being, let’s table it. Now, why did you come in today?”
Mr. Ivanov, the moth, responds, “Well, the light was on.”
I first heard this joke from Norm Macdonald, not personally. I think it was on some talk show. To be honest, I don’t remember the exact story that he used for the joke when he told it. All I remembered was: There’s a moth, the moth has a Russian last name, the moth has a turbulent personal life, the light was on. I guess that’s the spirit of the joke, right? I’ll link Norm Macdonald’s telling of it HERE, and I highly recommend you watch it. It’s sure to be far funnier than what I wrote down here.
I wanted to share this joke, if it can really be called that, with you today, in lieu of a more protracted piece of my writing. But, dear reader, don’t be fooled. I think telling a favorite joke is, in a way, a very intimate expression of affection. That phrase, “Can I tell you a joke?” is pretty great, isn’t it? “Can I share a laugh with you?” “Could we smile together?” “I love you”.
That’s all for today. I’m currently reading God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian by the late great Kurt Vonnegut, so expect a piece about that later in the week. I’m also re-reading Dubliners by James Joyce, don’t expect anything about that just yet. I watched The Lobster last week –congrats to Yorgos Lanthimos for his Oscar for Poor Things– and I may write about it as well. Much love to all!
Cheers,
M